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I know this is  a big question, and a lot of you might just say "I don't know", but could you hear me out?

I'm feeling really stressed right now. Schoolwork has been tougher this year than any other because I'm taking three studio classes at once (which is something that even upperclassmen advise against at my school). I'm getting closer and closer to my big huge ~PORTFOLIO REVIEW~ which, if I pass, will allow me to start taking actual graphic design classes and I can OFFICIALLY say I'm a graphic design student. And I keep thinking about how I have to write this letter of intent and basically write out WHY I want to be a graphic designer. Which is fine, I've been thinking about it for a while and I've been pretty solid on the idea... except now, ironically.

I've got a REALLY tough teacher this semester, and I know that's just something little and it shouldn't discourage me, but we have to do these essays every week and every time I sit down at my desk to start brainstorming about what I want to write about (like I'm supposed to be doing right now), the more there's this voice at the back of my head saying "I DON'T CARE".
Which is not good. I'm supposed to be doing this for a career, you know? I have to care.

But back to the actual point of this journal.. I feel like I need a mentor of some kind. Someone who knows about Graphic Design and can tell me a little more about the field and maybe what I can do with it. Because I'm feel discouraged and that's not good. I'm at a time in my life where I should be putting all my strength in and be motivated more than ever. I wish I could go to my design/typography teacher because it seems like she's a well of knowledge when it comes to this subject but she also just seems like... not the nicest person? She's really strict, she works us to death with homework, and I'm sure if I asked her questions like this she would say something like "look it up for yourself, do some research" in a slightly condescending way that teachers do...

And... it's just very unfortunate. That there was a a really good friend of the family that was a great artist. She was best friends with my dad and loved hanging out with us even though we didn't see each other often. Well some time ago, maybe 3 or 4 years ago? I started going to her house more often because I was starting to realize I wanted to take art seriously, like for a career. She was a Graphic Designer and I wanted to learn from her. She was very intelligent, she was fun to hang around, but honestly... I did more hanging out than learning when I was with her. When I brought up things like "could I help you with anything? Could I work under you? Or maybe just learn from you?" She seemed hesitant.. she would say "I don't really have any big projects going on right now..."
She seemed perfectly healthy to me, and not that old at all, but suddenly she was in the hospital, and she passed away last year December. I'm feeling particularly mournful about it now because I feel like I need someone like her to be my teacher, PARTICULARLY in this time in my life. Is it selfish of me to wish she was still here?

Nonetheless, I need to look somewhere for some kind of help. I want to make sure that this is what I want to do with my life. My current teacher is having me second-guess so much, but I don't want to do all my soul-searching all over again... Maybe I just need an upperclassmen or professional that would be willing to talk to me.

I know this is all really personal, I never post stuff like this. Especially in huge walls of text... But if you did read all of this, thank you so much. If you have nay suggestions, even something little, please let me know.
  • Mood: Emotional


XyAckhart's Profile Picture
United States
Picture drawn by :iconninjascrag:

requests: maybe (you can ask but I may be busy)
art trade: yeah I like art trades (you can ask but I may be busy)
commissions: no (I don't want yo money!)

but don't be afraid to ask! :D I won't bite I swear!

so yeah in a nutshell i'm a little lazy and not THAT good but I love drawing so I do it anyway!

Current Residence: Fl
Favourite genre of music: Vocaloid and Touhou arranges
Favourite style of art: Anime
Favourite cartoon character: TOO MANY TO NAME OH GAWD

Adopt account: :iconxy-adopts: (not very active yet xD)

follow my artblog plz~ <3


Aqua's Journal- January
Happy New Year! 
Lilycove is so much fun! I ran into Ruby again and had a great battle with him! (Good this his Pokemon doesn't have the Nuzlocke virus... heheh..)
Anyway, he said he was gonna go back home. He's more focused on completing the Pokedex but... I'm still headstrong in my goal of getting the gym badges and challenging the Pokemon League! And I'm glad I have friends that believe in me!

Hm.. but speaking of Lilycove, there's a lot of Team Aqua grunts here. I wonder what they're up to... but I heard someone say something about Mt. Pyre...

So I guess I will go back to Mt Pyre soon, but not before I go to the department store one last time and have a shopping spree! I definitely need some cool secret base stuff and neat accessories for my Pokemon Team! Yay~
Aqua's Journal, December-
It's been an interesting month, exploring all sorts of places! I finished my journey of the sea routes around Dewford, and continued my quest along route 120~

I asked my dad if I was allowed to try to catch another pokemon in Granite Cave, since I heard you could can Sableye or Mawile there. He said that "if a part of a route or location has different pokemon there, then i guess it's fine" though... he seemed really grumpy about it. I guess he doesn't want me catching too many Pokemon but... I can't help it! There are so many cool Pokemon, I wish I had the time to train and love all of them!

Maybe he's right about me not catching too many Pokemon though, I've lost some good friends trying to train them and get them as strong as everyone else.

And today I went to Mt. Pyre near Lilycove, and I knocked out a Shuppet in one shot. I hope I can find another one nearby in the route...

But either way, I can't wait to get to Lilycove! Maybe I'll make it there in time to stay at an inn for Christmas, and not have to jump back and forth between different trainer's secret bases...
Aqua's Journal, November-
Ah!! I totally forgot to update this! Silly me... I guess I left off with Lissa joining me, right? Well a lot happened since then!
First of all, I caught a BUNCH of new Pokemon! (Even though Dad is worried about Nuzlocke affecting my Pokemon, and wants me to only catch 1 Pokemon per route, I still explored a lot!)

I guess the first interesting thing that happened was getting to Fortree City. What a neat place! The gym leader, Winona, is a flying type gym... but using Toph and Izanagi, fighting her was a BREEZE~ (hehe)

I also ran into Steven Stone! He gave me a Blazikenite for Ace, so now he's SUPER strong!  What a nice gift~

I could of continued from there to Lilycove, but... I really have been itching to go explore the sea since I've gotten the HM Surf. So I went back to explore ALL the sea between Slateport and Dewford! I've been hopping around to different little islands and battling trainers. But don't worry! I have the HM fly now, so I can just swing back to Slateport or Dewford when I need to restock or give my swimming Pokemon a break~
So I guess I was having so much fun out at sea that I've forgotten to write. I can't believe almost a whole month passed! But I can't rush journeys like this, or my Pokemon might become too exhausted... But I'm in Sea Mauville now, AKA The Abandoned Ship! It's got a really mystical atmosphere, I'd love to make someplace like this my hideout!

Anyway, sorry for the long entry! I'll try to stay more up-to-date from now on~
Aqua's Journal, September part 2- 
Since I now have 5 badges and the HM surf, I traveled with Wally to Mauville city, and caught some new water types along the way. It was a lot of fun riding on my gyrados! But... Wally and I split off in Mauville, and when I crossed the river west of there, something amazing happened!!
I ran into Steven, and while we were talking, Latios showed up! A legendary Pokemon... I've only ever seen them in pictures! Well, Latios had wanted to take us somewhere... we got to this beautiful island, where we also saw Latias. Shortly afterwards, members of Team Aqua showed up! They said they wanted Latias for themselves.
I kind of froze up there, unsure of what to do. I was thinking before about wanting to join them, so I want to get on their good side... but... I had a bad feeling. "What do you need Latias for?" I asked. Steven interrupted though, saying "nothing good, for sure! We have to protect her!" And before I knew it, I was battling them. It was really easy with Steven to back me up. The whole thing was very strange, though. Matt, the admin, was particularly strange... And then... Latias wanted to join me.

I swear it's true! I couldn't make this up even if I wanted to...
Aqua's Journal, September-
After some training, I decided to challenge my dad, Norman, at his gym. I was a little impatient (my new team members weren't quite as strong to keep up with the rest yet), but it worked out well. Since I'm always training the weaker members, Ace was really itching for a good fight- and he got it! The trainers before dad were a breeze, but I was a little afraid to face the gym leader, since defeats haven't gone very well for me so far.

I needed to ask him some questions about my journey so far, but he said he needed to fight me first. He seemed so proud to see me there, and he was really excited to battle.

The battle itself went great! Ace and I came up with a strategy of stat boosts with flame charge and power-up punch, so we just kept getting stronger and stronger! His last Slaking was able to hit Ace once, which almost knocked him out! But a swift double kick was enough to finish off the battle! I was so happy that Ace was able to stick with me though to the end.

After the battle, I finally got my answers.
Dad was mumbling about "this is impossible... I can't believe you were able to make it this far... through all your trouble..."
I didn't understand what he meant at first, but then he explained... about Nuzlocke. He said that it was a virus, that- like pokerus- is rare, but very contagious for Pokemon.  Pokerus can be described as a "positive virus" that boosts stats, and can be identified by a purple marking on the Pokemon. Nuzlocke, however, is visually unidentifiable and has very negative effects: it harshly lowers a pokemon's ability to recover from a knock out.
He told me about how Professors Birch, while he was working with Pokemon breeders to get starter Pokemon for the next specially selected trainers (such as myself), Ace's family seemed to show signs of Nuzlocke. The breeders would test their strength and stats through battles, and many of them didn't survive defeats. Birch had told my dad about how his new Torchics were probably infected, and he was afraid of the other Pokemon getting infected too. And he was also worried about any trainers interested in the starters.

Now that I think about it, I think I do remember dad trying to convince to pick a Mudkip or a Treeco instead... but I ignored him because I loved how cute Torchic was and I thought it would be cool to start off with a fire-type. I'm glad Ace was able to stay with me, but... I wish dad would have told me sooner about this. Maybe he was afraid of how I would react. Maybe he wanted to see if I would be able to have a good team, even if they do all get the Nuzlocke virus.

But either way, I proved today that I can do this. Balto, Salem, Ember, Suika, and Wormy had to lose their lives to Nuzlocke, but I won't let their deaths be in vain. I will put my trust in my Pokemon, and come up with new strategies as to keep my team defensive and strong!

In conclusion, this clears up a lot of things for me. I always wondered how gym leaders were able to keep their jobs when new challengers defeat them (and their Pokemon die). Well the answer is: not everyone's Pokemon are like mine. I'm sorry dad, that I won't be able to become a gym leader like you, but maybe you know that already. So I'll tell you now: I still have the dream of defeating all the gym leaders! And mostly, I want to explore all of Hoenn! Hoenn is known for its beautiful oceans, and I can't wait to see them for myself!

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Happy birthday Xy!!!
XyAckhart Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2015
Omg thank you!! Lol I'm late on the response but thanks!! :D
Allie---Chan Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2015  Professional General Artist
Hi! :D yay I get to follow your DA! <3
XyAckhart Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2015
Yaaayy! :D thank you!
Anira-the-Fox Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2015
thanks so much for the watch uwu
XyAckhart Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2015
no problem! 
Lily-Lucid Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2015   Writer
thanks for the favorite!
XyAckhart Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2015
no problem~
Lily-Lucid Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2015   Writer
:D Llama Emoji-03 (Sparkles) [V1] 
Lily-Lucid Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2015   Writer
Thanks again for the faves! :D
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